Can you feel that in the air? The sweet density of warmth gathering its strength, getting ready to envelop the world at any moment. Any moment. Any moment.
It feels like for the last year and a half I’ve been waiting for warmth to envelop me. Rather, for the world around me to be different – better. I’ve been anticipating a day when I wouldn’t be a person of anxiety. A day when I wouldn’t fight to believe that each breath was not my last. A day when I would pass minutes, maybe even hours without a panic attack. My poor nervous system, physical body, emotional health, and spirituality have been through the wringer. I’ve written countless thoughts and posts mostly private, some public, of this nature and there’s no one happier than I to see pages turning and a light at the end of the tunnel.
Warmth is gathering its strength and I’m on the precipice of jumping headfirst into it.
With timid joy, with hesitant hope, with steps of uncertainty I’m walking forth into a new phase of life.
It’s true what everyone had been saying all along. I’m stronger now. I’m different now, more Samantha than ever before. Jacob and I have a strong, healthy relationship that has weathered a long storm and we are seeing beautiful fruits of our persistence and commitment. What once made me so angry and helpless to hear at the time, I’m finally able to accept and acknowledge. Truth comes with time, and time steadily passes.
In the next couple of months there will be a lot of huge life changes. While I’m enjoying the journey to get there, I’m really ready for the next step. I feel SO DONE with this period of life and I’m ready… to burst forth in a glorious way. Healing happens when and where you least expect it and while I’m far from wholly recovered, I’m pleased with what’s on the horizon and who I am standing above the ashes.