The mind is a powerful thing. And by mind, I don’t mean brain, which you know… they are connected and all. But I mean the thoughts… that mind. The mind which can set itself on a course and get there no matter what.
I think people with anxiety and panic disorder can probably resonate with what I’m going to say.
Sometimes, as in the case of tonight, I become fearful of something and then become absolutely certain it IS happening RIGHT NOW. Tonight’s example stems from a faulty smoke alarm. Let’s review shall we?
Sitting on my couch, had a great day of productivity and spending time with loved ones. Doing homework. All of a sudden my smoke alarms go off for about 30 seconds, violently loud until I hit the reset button. Not too much later they go off a second time. This elicits concern and I start to Google (brilliant idea for people with anxiety, just let me tell you.) So of course I read that smoke detectors can detect carbon monoxide and of course that’s what’s happening and of course I have to read about the symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning and of course I start to experience them RIGHT FREAKING THERE. And of course I have to run outside and of course I have to call the poison control center (which surprisingly is a step up because normally I call 911.) And of course they tell me that smoke detectors do not detect carbon monoxide poisoning and then I call my dad who confirms this, but still I sit in my car for an hour talking to my parents before I go inside my house.
And well. That’s the power of the mind.
But really. Our minds are ridiculously powerful. I can feel and experience almost every symptom that I am convinced I have. During one session with my therapist he said that there are some people who would be jealous of my anxiety because I’m keenly aware and very alive in those panic-driven moments. If I could be a little less alive, that’d be great. But not, you know dead. Since that’s where a lot of my anxiety stems from. Fear of death.
Sometimes though I ponder what wonders my mind could wrought if only I focused on things more positive.